Grudge Guru Pillows

"My family likes to set up our grudges at Thanksgiving, stew over them through December, then take our revenge at Christmas."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

You gotta hand it to the old man, he still knows how to motivate!

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

Happy hour.

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

"I make money, therefore I am."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Just be patient. Greed always makes a come back.'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

Courtney Love

Investments: Getting In Touch With Your Inner Greed

"Nice try, but I'm still angry."

'Life's too short to hold grudges.' 'No it's not! You just need to organize your time better.'

"My libido?...What the hell does this even mean?"

Stocks dropped sharply on the rumor the government will appoint a greed czar.

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"Oh, not much. Just sitting here sifting through an old scrapbook of past injustices and imagined slights."

"Of course we should get equal pay, it's time men realised we're just as greedy as they are."

Boss in front of angry mob: 'Put it in writing.'

"What're you in for?"

'Regrets? Not many, except for this list of individuals that I had the misfortune of hiring...'

'FQ...?'

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

"I know I should Fuggedaboutit but I can't."

Karate.

'And to think I started out as a little bundle of joy.'