Growing Up Milestone Gifts

'I must be growing up. I took a bath without being told to.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'Baby's first two-step.'

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

One!

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

'How can I get my baby to sleep?'

"You used to be a lot more fun."

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

Social Networking.

Vampire baby in 'Grav-co' stroller.

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

Origins Of Evolution

'I can change! I swear!'