Growing Up Milestone Gifts

'I must be growing up. I took a bath without being told to.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'Baby's first two-step.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

Vampire baby in 'Grav-co' stroller.

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'How can I get my baby to sleep?'

"You used to be a lot more fun."

Social Networking.

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

'I can change! I swear!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."