Group Chatter Pillows

"I have to call Anne, Tina, Pam, Jen, Rhonda, Jo, Beth, Jess, Debbie, Tonya, Cindy, Chris and Liz. There's drama going on, so we'll have to postpone that hug."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

"I hear you may do a baby."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

'We know it makes you happy, but your father and I think you're spending too much time on the computer.'

'This is Dr Grumbacher, Professor Emeritus of Comparative Philology. Perhaps he could tell you the difference between an adverb and an adjective.'

"This is a 'warts and all' biography with some really great warts."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

Boss? I got a memo saying you want me to stop looking t so many Sirius Disclosure videos on Youtube. The past few days, you and your online girlfriend have been frequenting those videos and the associated Facebook group. Has it occurred to you that if we really do have contact with aliens ... if there really are twelve races, including reptilians who sign your payche - I mean, who control everything - that there's a reason they're keeping all this a secret? Very. Bad. Man. I've compiled a playli

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

Gossipmongers stocking up at the rumor mill

'Gee, you'd think all that tithing would count for something.'

'I'm a little worried about the dedication to His Satanic Majesty, Bishop.'

'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'I really don't miss the water cooler.'

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

"So ... is the Pope Catholic?"

"Wine improves with age."