Grooming Gigglers Pillows

Nicky Clarke sheep shearer

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"Oh, don't mind us. We boo everybody."

'Oh yeah? Well I'm not crazy about your humming, either!'

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

"You ghosts are pretty cool. I wish I could be more like you..."

'It's my first attempt at gardening but so far I've learned...'

"Where do you see yourself in five years."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"Please join me now in a group meditation."

'If we had any guts we'd get out of here!'

'What a Neanderthal! Ork doesn't know his putter from his driver.'

'Personal?...No, I assure you, my relationship with God is strictly professional.'

"Honest Dad, I was going to mow the lawn... But I can't find the lawnmower in here!"

Ghost Playing Cello

Boo-gle.

'So we meet again on the fields of battle.'

In space, no-one can hear you scream.

Teenager ghost tantrums - "I hate you! I wish I was alive!"

'It's one of your five a day.'

'What did it mean, 'til death do us part?''

'Too many gaspers kept the turtlers from catching the ridley.'

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

Emeril Lagasse's Zoo

"It's downward dog. . . says his back is killing him."

"You're just in time. We're having vegetarian chili tonight."

'I thought it was a coffee morning.'

Tombstones have names of vegetables on them.

Let's stop at the next exit. We may need an antacid, if I read the sign correctly."