Grooming Gigglers Gifts

Nicky Clarke sheep shearer

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"Oh, don't mind us. We boo everybody."

'Oh yeah? Well I'm not crazy about your humming, either!'

"You ghosts are pretty cool. I wish I could be more like you..."

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

'It's my first attempt at gardening but so far I've learned...'

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"Where do you see yourself in five years."

"Please join me now in a group meditation."

'If we had any guts we'd get out of here!'

"Honest Dad, I was going to mow the lawn... But I can't find the lawnmower in here!"

'Personal?...No, I assure you, my relationship with God is strictly professional.'

Ghost Playing Cello

'So we meet again on the fields of battle.'

In space, no-one can hear you scream.

'It's one of your five a day.'

'What did it mean, 'til death do us part?''

'Too many gaspers kept the turtlers from catching the ridley.'

Teenager ghost tantrums - "I hate you! I wish I was alive!"

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

"It's downward dog. . . says his back is killing him."

Tombstones have names of vegetables on them.

"You're just in time. We're having vegetarian chili tonight."

'I thought it was a coffee morning.'

Let's stop at the next exit. We may need an antacid, if I read the sign correctly."

"For crying out loud, Adam, put this on before you catch a cold."