Grocery Store Wanderer Gifts

'I thought I saw your old boyfriend.'

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

Man sees book flying in the Mystery section.

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

'I just read 'Moby Dick'...do you have anymore 'whale hate' literature?'

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

Billy strip: losing dad in a supermarket.

'Dealing with Stress, Cooking for Forty and Nightmare Families. Christmas reading?'

"Avez-vous Cocoa Puffs?"

'Iambic tetrameter? Isn't that one of those conditions that's now an official disease?'

Reality of Parenthood

"I'm looking for a book on how to raise kids easily, but I can't seem to find it anywhere..."

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Shoppers of Mystery.

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

You are what you eat

Dummy no. 5836 was found lying in a pool of his own fake vomit.

Werehouses.

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

'Got anything on happy marriages?'

'No, I'm NOT break dancing.'

Spirituality.

'Self-help books for cynics'

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

Good Cholesterol / Bad Cholesterol.

'I don't understand how our grocery prices have inflated 15% yet you've inflated 25%'

Car dealer's sign: If you kick the tires, you've bought it!

"Today is catch-your-own day."

'I'm giving my tortoise a white knuckle ride!'

Horror

Tired of being alone, it was time to try a different approach. 'My, how frugal. I like that in a man,' she lied.

Fiction book sales.

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

"I said bring back a tin o'tuna, you big dope!"