Grocery Store Philosopher Gifts

'Is this good or bad? 'Contains genetically-modified insect parts.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

"I shop, therefore I am."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

Unbeknown to others, Thoreau would sometimes, in the middle of the night, sneak out for a few odds and ends.

Continental Drift.

'Are you sure this isn't the point in which we should stop following the invisible hand of the marketplace?'

"Junior just kept saying 'add to cart...add to cart...'."

"We're a monopolyopoly. Our company that owns 13 subsidiaries which put on a darn good imitation of competition."

"Who's next?"

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

Low income vampires.

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

Self- Checkout. I never use those lanes ... I get enough of that in therapy.

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

Shopper reading Shopenhauer in bookshop

"They want to turn the clocks back?"

I have to admit, I enjoyed that fruity concoction you convinced me to try. In light of that, I will extend to you a brief respite from my usually relentless attacks upon your character.

Waiting for Petraeus

Irregular Fruits and Veggies: "It's our inner beauty that counts..."

"I'm only writing fake product reviews until I find someone to publish my novel."

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

"We're close to being reliant solely on renewable sources of outrage."

"Sir, your sitting here and drinking coffee while simply musing is making our guests uncomfortable."

When I was a kid, I dreamed of going to medical school. I wanted to be a psychiatrist. Really? But I was great at football, wound up playing in college and got derailed. Everything came so easy. Who needed medical school? House of Java.net Cybercafe. But maybe what really happened was that I suffered concussions, and lost my drive and ability. and not I just hang out all day and serve as a sex object for hot chicks. Worked out beautifully. I need to get some concussions.