Grocery Line Philosopher Gifts

"Who's next?"

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I shop, therefore I am."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

The Origins of Everything

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"First you make a roux."

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' BW

The Politics of Food.

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"I'm enhancing my appreciation for the knowledge gathered by humankind."

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'