Grocery Store Comedy Lover Pillows

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

'The stuff legends are made of'

Low income vampires.

Free Range / Deranged

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Self Checkout

That was 16 items.

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

Animal Crackers. All the animals in this box are dinosaurs! Better check the expiration date!

'Well, it all tastes like the same old crap to me,'

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'We're out of peanut butter.'

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

'This could be a new record!'

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

Grocery store ruins a cart drivers attempt to motivate his horse.

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

Greengrocer selling rotten fruit for a political rally.

"My milk is gonna spoil if I stand here any longer."

'One case of body wash. Will there be anything else?

"Oh, that's a tricky one...now let me think...'Would I like a carrier bag..?' hmm..."

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

"Wake up Mrs. Jones. You're sleep shopping again."

Hardware. No, I haven't always wanted to do this ... I said I'm taking inventory and these are on my bucket list.

'Are you over 18 stone?'