Grocery Gymnast Gifts

'Just bag the groceries kid.'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Twenty-first century baby walker

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

The Origins of Everything

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

"Everything's gone up."

Unusual Offers

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Try our new genetically engineered produce.

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'I've got it written down...'

Self-Checkout.

Low Hanging Fruit

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

WWFood Stores.

Biker chopper shopper

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.