Grocery Gymnast T-Shirts

'Just bag the groceries kid.'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Twenty-first century baby walker

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

The Origins of Everything

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Everything's gone up."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

Unusual Offers

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Low Hanging Fruit

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

'I've got it written down...'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

Self-Checkout.

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

Biker chopper shopper

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

WWFood Stores.

"This is Piggly Wiggly, what'd you expect?"