Gripe Comedian Gifts

Complaining About A Bathroom.

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'Food fight!'

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

'So....how many hours were you practising half pass this morning?'

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

Pet Cemetery.

'Has the news finished yet?'

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

"You know, you're not just cancelling a magazine subscription. You're stabbing print media in the back!"

"Hi, J.B. Guess where I am."

'I'm tellin' you, Maurice, you should try it. I feel younger, more confident and just yesterday I caught a coupla gibbons checkin' me out.'

Manhole Warning

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

"You planted only beans and corn last year, right Herman...?"

Rider Helping Horse Over the Jump

'But I friended you on Facebook!'

'A hearse! a hearse! my kingdom for a hearse!'

"I'm afraid there's really very little I can do."

Megadeath Comes for the Archbishop'Did you bring the amps?'

Christmas: "Let's open some more next week."

Tolerate thy neighbour

'It's a pity you haven't got anything better to do!'

"Personally, I think it should read 'next misery guts'."

'Is this because our espresso machine is out of order?'

The lesser of two weevils: "The farmer's worked really hard on his cotton crop. I say we leave it alone."

'At death's door'