Growing Pains Humorist Gifts

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'Food fight!'

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'We found the only significant impact diet books had was if we made people eat them!'

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"To think our very existence hinges on your bloody headache!"

Old Darth Vader

I heard you've to an awful, mysterious pain in the side of your face. Yeah. You can try the modern approach, drug yourself silly so you don't feel the pain. You know a better way, Sadie? Well, in your case, I'd suggest going with the tried and true cure-all: Drill a hole in your head to let out the demons. No need. You're already out. That's ... Well-played, nemesis. Well-played.

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

Immature Cheese

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

"He's angry about getting old."

Teenaged boy: -Too old to be a teddy bear. -Too young to be a wolf.

"I'm beginning to look just like your mother."

I'm glad you're out of the hospital, little buddy. Hasn't been the same here without you. Really? Yes, really, When you're here, I appear to be even more handsome and muscular than usual, just by comparison. Can you believe I couldn