Growing Pains Humorist Pillows

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'Food fight!'

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

'We found the only significant impact diet books had was if we made people eat them!'

"To think our very existence hinges on your bloody headache!"

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

Old Darth Vader

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Immature Cheese

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

"He's angry about getting old."

"I'm beginning to look just like your mother."

"Closed. Out to fast."

Teenaged boy: -Too old to be a teddy bear. -Too young to be a wolf.