Grievance Counselor Gifts

"We're happy that you got great news on your tests. We're still sending in our grievance counselor to help you cope with your medical bill, though."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'In general, do the right thing.'

Yes, I agree that man is a master of his own destiny but sometimes it helps if you pass algebra.

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

Complaints Desk

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

'I thought I'd put in the details later.'

"It's really hard to make any plans. By the time we grow up there will be all new jobs that nobody's ever heard of!"

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"Well, when you were called a 'bad dog,' were you publicly harmed?"

You were warned about mixed marriages!

"I'd like to apply for the work-study program."

'It's ok, sir, we'll put you in touch with one of our grief counselors.'