Gridiron Philosopher Pillows

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

The Three Kinds of People

"I don't believe in egrets."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Mark Gastineau

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."