Gridiron Humorist Pillows

Stop the big guy!

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

German School

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.