Gridiron Gladiator Pillows

'If you want to play in this league, Wilson, you've got to learn to play with pain!'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'Listen, I just want to say this right up front so there are no hurt feelings later on. ... I'm very, very sorry for what I'm about to do to you.'

American Football injuries

'You can say, 'I tore a ligament' or 'I blew out my knee.' But in this league you never, ever say, 'I got a boo-boo.''

'Good news. We've decided to give you the game ball.'

"You'll get a lot of head injuries but, on the plus side, you won't remember any of them."

'Hurry up!'

Coming soon to a football program near you. . .

Andrew tried everything to avoid getting sacked. He tried staying in the pocket. He tried rolling out of the pocket...

'Oh, great. Leonard's got quarterback on his jersey. No amount of bleach is going to get THAT out.'

'What kind of carnivore are you, Brockman? If he tears a hunk of flesh out of your haunch, tear a hunk of flesh out of HIS haunch!'

Punishment for the kicker.

'The pain in his side indicates cracked ribs. The tender knee is possible ligament damage. And the screaming...'

'It's a privilege. Not everyone is fortunate enough to make my team, but those who do are proud to wear the brand.'

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

'Get the ice packs! His ego is swollen!!'

"It looks fine to me, too."

"He's always been on the team. It's just that no one has noticed him."

"I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year."

'They just showed up one day. But the players don't seem to mind...'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

Football Blockers.

'They're herding you all over the field! Start playing defense...'

"Brett! Brett! The play..."

"Sharpen my teeth! I'm a linebacker!"

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

You Don't Know What It's Like

"Good news, you are virus free and should be able to resume hitting each other in the heads as hard as possible this fall."

I drank a large soda just before going into the game to run the ball. A sugar rush!

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

"Anyone here seen Swazee''s head?"

Football League: Concussions R US.

'They're high-spirited and difficult to coach, but linebackers captured in the wild are stronger and hit harder than domestic stock.'