Greeting Protocol Ponderer T-Shirts

"You were supposed to touch knuckles, not give him the elbow!"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Caption Contest TK

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"It's from the Facebook company. They're buying out every messaging platform."

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Bothers my conscience a little bit/May keep me up for a night or two/Am I really stooping this low?

"I utilize the best from Freud, the best from Jung and the best from my uncle Marty, a very smart fellow."

'I'm too small for my age: I keep being rejected...'

"Oh look Harold, a flower shop!"

"Oh, swallow your pride and go to the eye doctor!"

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

"If I can control everyone around me it would help my damaged self esteem."

The Collective Unconscious

Bipolar bear.

'Don't you find watching people relaxing?'

"Could I be PATHOLOGICALLY normal?"