Greeting Protocol Ponderer Pillows

"You were supposed to touch knuckles, not give him the elbow!"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

"It's from the Facebook company. They're buying out every messaging platform."

Caption Contest TK

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

Bothers my conscience a little bit/May keep me up for a night or two/Am I really stooping this low?

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

"I utilize the best from Freud, the best from Jung and the best from my uncle Marty, a very smart fellow."

"Oh, swallow your pride and go to the eye doctor!"

"Oh look Harold, a flower shop!"

'I'm too small for my age: I keep being rejected...'

The Collective Unconscious

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

"If I can control everyone around me it would help my damaged self esteem."

'Don't you find watching people relaxing?'

Bipolar bear.

"The dotted line is my self-esteem."

"Could I be PATHOLOGICALLY normal?"