Messaging Platform Ponderer Pillows

"It's from the Facebook company. They're buying out every messaging platform."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"A pessimist thinks that we've already arrived."

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

'Are you sure its a purbred?'

Entropy Seminar.

"Delivery."

"I want my job back."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

"Shouldn't we hold off an artificial intelligence until we figure out actual intelligence?"

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'Oh, no - that's just the prototype.'

"...Now all we need is a product!"

'All right, pal, that's enough! Are you gonna pay for the paper or not?'

Remainders Shop

"There's no way I'm letting them call me Princess Henry or Princess Harry!!"

'.....DOOR!'

'Who crossed the road first, the chicken or the egg?' Francis has always struggled with philosophy.

The virtual vanity mirror.

"I always just check the box without reading that stuff."

The thinker in a restaurant

"Which comes first - the chicken salad or the egg salad?"

"If everyone's online, where's the crowd?"

"They finally got around to reviewing his browsing history..."

"If a man tweets and it doesn't appear in anybody's timeline, is it still a tweet?"

"That's weird... all of my files are missing from the cloud."

Physician, Reboot Thyself

'The company bought you a health club membership, and now you want to take sick leave?'

'As Employee of the Month you get to be first on the elevator.'

Student Loan Interest Rates.

'As a sweetner, outside investors in our property syndicate will be allowed in to use the bathroom.'