Messaging Platform Ponderer Pillows

"It's from the Facebook company. They're buying out every messaging platform."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"A pessimist thinks that we've already arrived."

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

'Are you sure its a purbred?'

Entropy Seminar.

"Delivery."

"I want my job back."

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"Shouldn't we hold off an artificial intelligence until we figure out actual intelligence?"

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'Oh, no - that's just the prototype.'

"...Now all we need is a product!"

'All right, pal, that's enough! Are you gonna pay for the paper or not?'

Remainders Shop

'Who crossed the road first, the chicken or the egg?' Francis has always struggled with philosophy.

'.....DOOR!'

The virtual vanity mirror.

"If everyone's online, where's the crowd?"

"If a man tweets and it doesn't appear in anybody's timeline, is it still a tweet?"

"I always just check the box without reading that stuff."

"They finally got around to reviewing his browsing history..."

"That's weird... all of my files are missing from the cloud."

"Which comes first - the chicken salad or the egg salad?"

The thinker in a restaurant

Physician, Reboot Thyself

'The company bought you a health club membership, and now you want to take sick leave?'

'As Employee of the Month you get to be first on the elevator.'

Student Loan Interest Rates.

'As a sweetner, outside investors in our property syndicate will be allowed in to use the bathroom.'

"Recruitment is a nightmare...We need to focus on the advantages of working here!"