Green Thumb Skeptic Gifts

"This year I'm just planting the little signs."

Prize vegetables.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"First time pruning?"

Allotment

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

Greenfingers.

The Garden

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"Mulch madness"

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

'I've found a spade I like Julia...'

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

Man transplants plant in his garden.

"You must have a green thumb."

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

"This one looks as though it could use a little nurturing."

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

Garden seeds - giant varieties

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"Every year about this time...Tia Carmen gets back to her roots."

"I'm feeling somewhat optimistic. Let's get perennials."

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

A gardener potting up sun loving and shade loving seedlings.

'I don't know who he is...but he roto-tilled my entire yard and never even stopped to let me thank him!'

The Gardener's Calendar: Get Your Mower Out of The Shed.

'I've been watering myself by taking showers. How come I'm not growing as tall as your plants?'

Gardener

'We can't fire Wembley... it's now a Protected Habitat!'