Greco-roman Guru Pillows

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Edgar Allen Poe

On the back of the t-shirt...

Muscles

'But what is the universe for?'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

Exercise Class

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

The trim reaper

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"I exercised so much during my first pregnancy that the baby was born with athlete's foot."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Guru.

'What are you eating now?'

'Can you take the lid off this jar for me...?'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"When will you be starting building work on the lower body?"

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

Holiday Aerobics.

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I want a brain, but I'd settle for buns of steel!'

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'It says for best work out to dismantle and reassemble.'