Grandiose Guru Pillows

Sculptor's chippings

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

"Tia Carmen, if times are tough, how come you're giving money away?"

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Complete Makeover

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

OM, SWEET OM

Bearded old man atop mountain.

'Of course we're a global corporation. We have mail drops throughout the world.'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."