Great Report Card Gifts

'You got straight A's? -- I thought that A's were little triangley things.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Your report card grades are poor. Maybe you should stop building model airplanes. The glue is getting to you.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

"I see you got an A+++ in science."

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."