Grateful Gift Giver Pillows

You shoved a candy cane in my ear!! Ingrate. It's customary to thank someone when she gives you a Christmas gift. In my day, people would actually mail a handwritten letter to express their gratitude. But you young losers don't respect people enough to take time to do that. My ear!!! No, it's true.

Grace For Flies

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"From the gentleman at the end of the barre."

celebrating a birth.

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Love.

Birthday Racing Car

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

Valentines Balloons

'And that,and that,and that...'

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

Saying Grace.

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

'Aha! You can tell Dottie and the kids I didn't forget their presents!'

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

A feminist Christmas.

How the gift registry should really work

'A globe warming party?...Guys, you shouldn't have!'

'Don't worry -- I used a bond issue.'

'I know you've worked hard on it, dear, but maybe we should get the Rabbi a . . . uh. . . 'back up' birthday present too?'

Santa's Out Tray.

'You've agreed to work Sundays, haven't you!'

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

"Mom...There's nothing to do..."

It's the thought that counts!