Graphologist Gifts

'I've got my handwriting back from the graphologist - she says I'm shoddy, untidy, and cack-handed - it's uncanny!'

"She should be good. The capital 'L' shows an extroverted and outgoing personality, the wide 'O' indicates a warm nature, the second 'L' is lively..."

The Jeopardy of Progress

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'C'mon get it straight.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"The Ice Age must've caught him by surprise..."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Natural Disasters

Interdisciplinary studies.

Scarcity

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"We'll always have Paris..."

Scientists are sexy

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

If nobody had invented graphics

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'The good news is we've discovered a vast new oil resource. The bad news is we need a space ship to get there.'

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'