Grapefruit Gourmet Gifts

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

To do before Saturday...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Queen of Quinoa

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Tarzan of the Grapes.

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Too much cilantro

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

The Main Types of Cheese

His Her Cakes

French wine

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'