Grape-loving Globetrotter Gifts

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

Pete Townshend Vineyards

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'Who's the new guy?'

A giant glass of red wine

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

Wine tasting

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

I never heard of chunky style wine. I couldn't find any seedless grapes.

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Hey, if they can grow in Michigan...'

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 4)

Schoolboy with lunch box.

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'Okay, you've got a mouthful of minerals, grapefruit, herbs and grass. Is it starting to taste like a sauvignon blanc?'

'I think we can skip the resume.'

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

"Grapes are my favorite fruit too."

"Okay then, what wine do you have if we go up to the four-dollar range?"