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The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine Lady

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"Relax. They're just crows."

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

A giant glass of red wine

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Who's the new guy?'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

The Grapes of Wrath finally get some professional help.

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Red Wine

You will always find a spot to garden