Grape Goddess T-Shirts

'I don't care how great the '61 Lafite is, Paul. You opened it in '97.'

"Carpe vino! Seize the wine!"

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Labor Day Flowers

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

"Plus $600 for delivery."

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine

I never heard of chunky style wine. I couldn't find any seedless grapes.

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

The Deer of Spring.

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"Look at this terrible mess! Let's all roll up our sleeves and clean it up!"

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 4)

"Wine is plant-based food."

"Can you recommend a suitable white wine to drink with my red wine?"

'You know, this is the 2nd bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

Stand back - while I whip something up

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

Why Rome Fell:'Peel you a grape? Don't you know that the skin is where all the vitamins are?'