Grandparenting Enthusiast Gifts

"I think the best part about being grandparents is tat we get to spoil the grand kids rotten...then they go home!"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

The cell phone soother for life.

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

Growth Charts

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

I love my family!

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

Crying baby

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

Lemming mothers

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'The idea is to go where no man my age has gone before. I want to be the 'John Glenn' of Salsa.'