Grandparenting Enthusiast Gifts

"I think the best part about being grandparents is tat we get to spoil the grand kids rotten...then they go home!"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

The cell phone soother for life.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

I love my family!

Growth Charts

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Early childhood development

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

Crying baby

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

Lemming mothers

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"My first Father's day!"

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'The idea is to go where no man my age has gone before. I want to be the 'John Glenn' of Salsa.'

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "