Grandmaster Hopeful Gifts

Chess Disagreements

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

Baby Piano

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

Bassoons.

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

"Dad's barbeucuing again so Mom's got the pizza place on speed dial."

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

'Well, that does not yet look like a wall. Try it again, Liam!'

'If he starts early enough, he could be the next Rory Mcilroy.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

Chess player painting all the pieces his colour.

"This won't last long. I'll practice right after Mom gets home from work."

"Wow, Gracie...you have a lot of music in you."

yesterday i brought my son this magic set and...

On the Eve of his epic defeat by 'Deep Blue', Garry Kasparove awoke to an ominous warning,

'If he's going to be another 'Tiger' he has to start young.'

Chess cleaner

A Member of the Tate.

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

Competitions.

'Would you believe it the E.U. have put a cap on the numbers of celebrity chefs we can have!'

'Forgive the interruption, but can the surgeon wait until after he operates on me to play his chess.'

Orchestra

'I've invented a cloak of invisibility. I just put it over your head and you can't see me."

New chess champion 31st November 2018

'No way you're ever going to comply with all of THAT!'

'. . . as shelves go it's okay - but I like to feel that my best work is ahead of me!'

'Please, Ref. If you stop the fight now it means the end of my career.' 'Oh, very well.' 'Round one!'

'Welcome to 'Basic Conducting' - would the man in row 2 like to share with us his expectations.'