Gallery Grandmaster Gifts

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Painting taking root...

Misunderstood artist

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'I could do that.'

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

The Rise of Modern Art

"Now this I get."

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

German School

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"I read 'Art News.'"