Grandfather Jokes Appreciator Gifts

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

Official Team Cap With Beard

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

'Dad, I need help with chemistry, what's the periodic table?'

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

"Someday, son, all this crap will be yours."

WRONG! A veterinary school failure.

'Those were the days, eh, Grandpa?'

"I hope you've got planning permission for that?"

'I occasionally go out for a walk, and I buy groceries every two weeks or so. I wonder if I qualify as a recluse.'

'To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with all this new technology.'

Al Pacino

"Wow! Gramps was REALLY happy to get all those neckties for Father's Day!"

Makes me feel young again!

"Right now I'm a stay-at-home dad, but when this baby comes I'm going back to work."

"What?"

"Go ahead. Ask Grandpa to tell you the story about why we don't play with matches."

I need to take the day off. Family tragedy. What happened? An errant parachutist crash-landed. My grandmother knocked down. Then attacked by clowns. No one ever buys sick day anymore.

"Sounds like someone should have talked to the Three Little Pigs about homeowner's insurance."

'I think he's getting serious. He's laughing at Daddy's jokes.'

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

"When you said you were getting a mobility scooter, Dad, this isn't what I had in mind."

'The Sunday funnies in PowerPoint... your dad is awesome, Billy!'

"Dad's got an imaginary friend too, he's called Techincal support"

"Grandpa fatty died a heroic death - he bit through the main power cable in the slaughterhouse."

"Dude, you should wear it on the front. Chicks love that!"

'Why can't my mother be more like my grandmother?'

"OK. You're the Ghost of Christmas Present. Quite amusing. Now go away!"

Mandarins and Boydarins

"This review calls our comic strip 'sophomoric'.

'Grandpa, how did you settle things before litigation?'

"I'm going swearing now."

Bert escalates his war on inanity: Warning! Actually saying LOL will be hazardous to your health.

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