Naughty Grandparent Appreciator Gifts

"Wow! Gramps was REALLY happy to get all those neckties for Father's Day!"

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

'The idea is to go where no man my age has gone before. I want to be the 'John Glenn' of Salsa.'

Can't read 'SLOW'.

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

Future Old People

Young MacDonald

"My great granddad says fruits and vegetables keep him healthy. He calls them 'fossil fuels.'"

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

"How about after nightime meds you come to my room for some Netflix and chill."

'Child resistant cap'

"Since Ronnie retired, I like to keep him busy with plenty of activities."

I need to take the day off. Family tragedy. What happened? An errant parachutist crash-landed. My grandmother knocked down. Then attacked by clowns. No one ever buys sick day anymore.

"Go ahead. Ask Grandpa to tell you the story about why we don't play with matches."

'Moonbeam just had a hippie replacement.'

That's what I call value.

'Watching Chet compete with our great grandson to see who can go longest without having to have his diaper changed. What are you doing?'

"OK. You're the Ghost of Christmas Present. Quite amusing. Now go away!"

"Grandpa fatty died a heroic death - he bit through the main power cable in the slaughterhouse."

'I may not look like much but f**k with me and you're dead!'

'Why can't my mother be more like my grandmother?'

"I grew up in the drug culture but now I get the same effect by standing up too fast."

'I'm not here!'

'First time grandfather hey! Me, I'm a great great great great great great great great grandfather...'

Do not dare ask me about my grandchildren!

'There's gin in the thermos. Make sure not to share it with the kids, even if they lose.'

"Not coming then? You wouldn't even come to your own funeral, you!"

I shrank another inch! Woo-hoo!

'Granny's got wind again!'

"You're telling me that robot truck thing is allowed to drive without a license and your grandfather isn't?"

'Grandpa, can your inner child come out and play?'