Grade Giggler Pillows

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

Not you. Your hair.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

Cavemen Exhibit

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

'I'm with the band.'

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

Medical school graduation gowns.

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

Pest control, with death.

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

The Big A** Theory

Tred carefully mill.

'Dicing with Death'

"Well, you can tell that David Silva that I said you definitely don't have cooties, Carolyn."

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

Before graduating, students at Flegburn High were required to read their diplomas out loud.

"Captain...I'm detecting Hemorrhoids off our starboard bow."

"Clever girl."

Dead & Breakfast.

'It needs more punctuation.'

'Do you have one called Job?'

Medical School Graduations.

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

"You do realize that this entire side of the galaxy is laughing at you and your NASCAR fixation don't you?"