Grade-avoider Extraordinaire Gifts

"Hey, mom! That 'F' I got in history...my creative writing teacher read it and gave me an 'A'."

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

Serious Putty

Man is successfully leaping over chasm.

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

Summertime... When you go zero to 'booked up' in 3.5 seconds

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

"Suddenly I'm feeling paranoid about all the notes you're taking."

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

"I was desperate, dear. I had to find a way to teach and do all my required publishing."

Referee's Free Kick Pack

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

Book from the Library of Alexandria. Woman says: 'Have you seen how overdue this book is?'

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

"I wasn't smart enough for college. So instead of a diploma and a quarter million of debt all I've got is a growing plumbing business and a steady income."

"I see no new taxes, followed by some new taxes."

"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"

Jimmy Green won't be at school today, this is my father speaking...

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

'Can you put the rubbish out in next door's garden.'

'I've got to work for my allowance? What kind of entitlement program is that??'

Afternoon crafts

"What if I run out of sticky notes to remind myself to get more sticky notes???"

"So this is why you ate your spinach and wanted seconds at dinner!"

"Someday I'll hire lots of smart people to work for me."

"My Dad helped with my homework so don't blame me."

Duty Free Closed to Public

"Give me a good grade and years from now you'll be the favorite teacher I'll use to answer a security questions."

'My brother hates school. He won't read in captivity.'

'I get all my stock tips from loud users of cell phones.'

"From now on I will raise every student's grade by a point as long as nobody in this class ever again asks the question, 'Why do we have to do this?'"