Eavesdropper Extraordinaire Gifts

'I get all my stock tips from loud users of cell phones.'

"Look, a bug!"

Heading off with a packed bag

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

The Airport.

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

"Fred, just how remote is this remote fishing spot of yours?"

Easter Island Tours. Theories differ. Ernie believes they were used to display a selection of giant wigs.

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

Sir Patrick Moore.

Broccoli: Just Full of Surprises!

'I'm Marcus and I'll be listening in on your conversations this evening.'

'Just as I suspected. The wormhole is located behind the Dog Star.'

'Never thought I'd enjoy a cricket match so much.'

Tourist Directions

Confusing directions.

Referee's Free Kick Pack

"Any Creationists here tonight?"

"Don't mind me. I'm just nosy."

"It's confusing, son, but I'll try to explain: A nerd is a dork who's headed for college. A wonk is a nerd with one or more Ph.D.s. And then there' s the Uber-Wonk, like Daddy, who gets interviewed on TV all the time!"

Hey, wow, Trevor's found a way to trainspot on the internet.

'So, Pluto, you prefer the term 'little planet' to 'dwarf planet.' Is that correct?'

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"Richard has quite an ear for dialogue."

'The sports seasons never end, now with all his fantasy leagues.'

Armstrong, did you know that the Milky Way and Adromeda galaxies may already be colliding, billions of years early? A ginormous field of ionized hydrogen that gives birth to stars surrounds each galaxy like a halo. Andromeda's halo may have already caught up to ours. Ah, but of course. Andromeda has drawn first blood with a pre-emptive hostile takeover bid. Reminds me of that time I took over little Alice Chang's lemonade stand while she was napping. Very bad man.

Listenin' in

'Relax Smithers, he is just a head hunter, they leave the rest of you alone.'

"April Fool's on her!"

'It's good quality oil I tell you! Why doesn't anybody believe me?'