Government Officials Gifts

"Let's never forget that the public's desire for transparency has to be balanced by our need for concealment."

'We can offer Volunteers a range of experiences including exhaustion, emotional overload, lack of support and stark terror.'

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'While they're still enthusiastic do you think we could get them to take on climate change and the war on drugs as well?'

Once again, the conversation gets too heated, and the selection of a state muffin has to be shelved until next year.

'How does this work? I've recently retired from Congress and am not quite sure how to pay for things with my own money.'

"Power corrupts, and absolute power...present company excepted."

'The Federal Government today authorized a ten-year study of all its five-year studies.'

Who blames who in health Insurance problems

Good King George until terrorism's end.

Unable to afford repairs the Department of Transportation simply relabeled poorly maintained roads as Historic Routes.

'Wait, I have a coupon for $500,000 off that hammer.'

Government Security Breach Reporting Station

'Are 3-D, high definition webinars really necessary?'

"When it comes to balancing the budget, unfortunately he has the minus touch."

'This is a really low budget approach to stopping illegal immigration.'

'Tim, the idea we would bug reporter's phones and listen to their private calls is preposterous. Incidentally, how was your wife's bunion surgery? And are Timmy Jr's grades improving.'

The Byers Tapestry 1.

'Somebody close the window. Those pesky drones are getting in.'

"Your signature, Your Majesty, as well as your driver's license and a major credit card."

'Speaking on budget deficit, the president said 'We can save billions if we elimate the two superflous branches of government.'

"Having concluded a thorough review of your management of the 'test and trace' and vaccination programmes we have concluded that you're a bit s**t... That''ll be £450,000."

'...Please PASS anything...!'

Foot Soldier.

Other Than That Everything's Perfect

"Our $500- Pentagon toilet seats now made by Haliburton in Iraq for $800."

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

Post global warming desert island cartoons.

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"We shortened the guidelines."

Another failed weapons project by the U.S. government.

Please take a number...Runaround excuse number: 37...

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

Coming Fall 2001

"So that's agreed, we should set up a preliminary sub committee to consider thinking about getting a group of people together to have a bit of a chat about starting to plan a bit of something."