Government Employee Gifts

'What's that noise?'

In Case Of Whistle-blower Break Glass.

Department of Indifference.

'...Therefore, we're in complete compliance with all federal guidelines.'

'First time working on a government ship?'

'It's a tax refund. There's a note attached asking us not to cash it before next week.'

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

Desk Organizers: 'Comply with Government Regulations and Guidelines.'

'Sir, I'll need to see more than a birthday card to prove you're sixty five.'

"The idea that the government introduces change for the SAKE of it is NONSENSE...we also introduce it so we have an endless stream of tabloid friendly headlines and meaningless sound bites."

It was a dead-end job. She was only staying for the palliative care.

How Many It Takes

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

'It guides you through the halls of bureaucracy.'

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

Town Planning Department

"The Benefits Agency is always willing to be flexible...but only under certain limited clearly defined circumstances."

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

IRS Maze

'This call may be monitored and added to our endless metadata for no apparent reason.'

"You want both? C'mon - get serious - we can only afford one."

Let's just say it's a labor dispute. I could tell you more, but then, once this is over, I'd have to kill you.

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

Health and safety officer Hedley seconds before he became ex-health and safety officer...

The NSA organizes its new sprawling data farm based on the different types of web traffic...

"Normally, having a song stuck in your head isn't considered a disability."

'All these charitable contributions- You think you can take care of poor people better than the Government can, do you?'

'The idea bureaucracy is on the increase is RIDICULOUS... and I have the reports to prove it!'

A Federal Agency to Eliminate Federal Agencies

"The government realises that there has been some confusion about retirement ages..."

'Your job is to check for mismanagement, waste and fraud...our client is the U.S. government.'

Government promises to cut adoption bureaucracy.

'I just got appointed to a government job. I need some shoes that will look good up on a desk.'

Department of Commerce:'Regulate...Deregulate'

'The dept. of agriculture says yes, the environmental protection agency says maybe, and the food and drug administration says no.'