Gourmet Thrill-seeker Gifts

'I'd appreciate it if you'd order the Chef's surprise. We don't get all that much excitement around here.'

"Okay - This is your last chance to back out."

"You'll find out what the chef's surprise is when you get your bill."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

I wish I'd had the review.

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

Join me for dinner?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

The first law of barbecuing. Your tongs will never be long enough.

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."