Gourmet Swiper T-Shirts

Menu Dating

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Too much cilantro

To do before Saturday...

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

The Main Types of Cheese

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'Is this still America?'