Gourmet Swiper Gifts

Menu Dating

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

To do before Saturday...

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Too much cilantro

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

'Is this still America?'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'