Gourmet Nitpickers Pillows

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

"We grind our own catnip."

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"We love your desserts...they're the most photogenic in town!"

'Get the kind with the little marshmallows.'

Champagne speaking to lobster about going to the Derby

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

"We start with black coffee and then add a lot of stuff so it doesn't taste like black coffee."

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

Salsa on a Stick.

Would kill for some hors d'oeuvres right about now.

'Not eucalyptus leaves again!'

Watch out for this guy. Worse than passing bad checks, he asked for instant coffee and nondairy creamer.

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

The Takeaway.

The Food Free Food Aisle

"Do you have 'Cheese and Pickle...?'"

Cheeseboard mouse trap

"I keep thinking about last night's salmon en croûte."

Mushroom Foraging

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

"My compliments to your chefs - their broth was disgusting."

Bagpipe Horns.

"Well, if you're sure 7x8 doesn't equal 62, then we'll have to recall 3 million units."

"Believe me, you're not the first guy who tried to impress a date by saying the book was better than the movie not knowing it was never a book."

The drinks were expensive, but at least the nuts were complimentary.