Gourmet Nitpickers T-Shirts

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"We grind our own catnip."

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

'Get the kind with the little marshmallows.'

"We love your desserts...they're the most photogenic in town!"

Champagne speaking to lobster about going to the Derby

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

"We start with black coffee and then add a lot of stuff so it doesn't taste like black coffee."

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

Salsa on a Stick.

'Not eucalyptus leaves again!'

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

"Do you have 'Cheese and Pickle...?'"

Watch out for this guy. Worse than passing bad checks, he asked for instant coffee and nondairy creamer.

"I keep thinking about last night's salmon en croûte."

The Food Free Food Aisle

The Takeaway.

Cheeseboard mouse trap

Mushroom Foraging

"My compliments to your chefs - their broth was disgusting."

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

Bagpipe Horns.

"Well, if you're sure 7x8 doesn't equal 62, then we'll have to recall 3 million units."

"Believe me, you're not the first guy who tried to impress a date by saying the book was better than the movie not knowing it was never a book."

The drinks were expensive, but at least the nuts were complimentary.

"I really prefer the place across the street. The cockroaches are smaller."