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'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

'Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating Kobi steak, caviar, and white truffle mushrooms. She won the lottery and now hangs out with an exclusive coterie.'

'Whatever he's eating.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

La Table

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

French wine

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'