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'YAY! PATE!'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Man see a sign on door of Clayton's Jokes & Gags Shopee - 'Please Use Second Door To The Right'

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

'Whatever he's eating.'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"I love it when they come with warning labels."

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

'My first drink since my accident.'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

Wise man scaring baby Jesus.

"Is it working?"

'Admit it you need glasses, that is my false eyelash you have just sprayed.'

The Fart Side

'Methane Happens.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

"Apparently, this is his 'great lost masterpiece...'"