Gourmet Gardener Gifts

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The Main Types of Cheese

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

To do before Saturday...

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

Too much cilantro