Gourmet Burger Critic T-Shirts

Before burgers mattered

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

Your lobster was off!

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's my favorite.'

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"Your meal sounded nice."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

Nutrition-Free Diet

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

"Can I interest you in a great white?"

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."